Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"What's wrong with you people??"

So my son now has his driver's license. Off he drives to run a personal errand, so I give him a list, "while you're out shopping....please buy some milk, bread, peanut butter and jam." How nice for me, that I won't have to go shopping after work.

Several hours son pulls the milk out of the fridge, "Whaaaaaat???" he exclaims to his sisters, "It's already half gone??? I just bought this milk at noon!!! What's wrong with you people?"

I can't help it - I smile. Oh, the satisfaction of hearing those words from someone else's mouth - someone else's mouth which was frequently drinking up all the milk I had just bought. I feel a wicked laugh coming on. Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Uterus as Tracking Device

One of the funniest comedy routines Roseanne Barr does is about how husbands and kids think moms know where everything is. "Honey, have you seen my crescent wrench?" "Mom, where' s my backpack?" As if a uterus is also a tracking device.

Recently at work one of my coworkers received a frantic call from her 11 year old daughter, "Where are my swim goggles?" My friend tried to talk her daughter through the problem to help her find the goggles, finally hung up the phone. Then she told me her husband was home with her daughter.

I recounted my experience: when I was driving to Texas in a dense thunderstorm after learning that my mother had had a stroke, my 15-year-old son called me on my cell phone, "Where's my gameboy??" he demanded. For some reason he thought I had his gameboy with me, maybe he'd left it in the car, and seriously expected that I would turn around and come back to return it.

Meanwhile, while I'm telling my coworker about this incident, the phone rings again, and another coworker answers it and begins talking to her frantic young son, "I don't know where it is," she tells him, "where did you see it last?" Her husband, by the way, is also home with the child.

Apparently dads don't have tracking devices embedded in their bodies.